


A Nice Normal Galarian Adventure

by EtherealNyx



Series: Pre-Game Galar Works [17]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types, Pocket Monsters: Sword & Shield | Pokemon Sword & Shield Versions
Genre: Crack, Gen, except for magnolia I guess :’(, god I know why I wrote this but. Fuck, smash announcer voice: EVERYONE IS HERE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 15:10:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21138737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtherealNyx/pseuds/EtherealNyx
Summary: In which I wrote this in 5 minutes





	A Nice Normal Galarian Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I got motivated again because of [redacted], but I have no energy, so you get this! Awesome! Please don’t end me.
> 
> Oh, and remember to tune in later on for my actual last SWSH fic in 7 days :D thanks love you bye

_ The flashy news anchor beamed at the camera. “Thanks, Sam! I’m here with Gym Leader Raihan before our highly anticipated opening ceremony.” _

_ Raihan’s smile was smaller, but just as personable. “Thank you for having me.” _

_ “So! Everyone knows how intense your little rivalry is with our champ, but the word means different things for different people. How do you personally go about expressing that?” _

_ “Oh, I hate him.” Raihan said sweetly. “Recently, I bought several limited edition posters of his horrid mug just so I can have a constant reminder of how much I want to knock him off his pedestal and put them up in my house.” _

_ She blinked, still managing to hold the microphone up to his face. “Isn’t that a lot of money?” She asked. _

_ He scoffed. “When it comes to _ ** _utter loathing,_ ** _ money is of no consequence. Why, just yesterday-” _

Gloria paused the TV. “HOPPPPP! RAIHAN’S BEING WEIRD ABOUT YOUR BROTHER AGAIN!”

* * *

  


Victor stumbled into the house, still trapped in a state of shock. Was this the real life? Was this just fantasy? It was probably a bad sign that he still couldn’t process anything after half an hour. 

“I need a drink.” He muttered to himself. Drowning his sorrows in Moomoo Milk sounded like a good idea right about now.

“_MASARU!_” 

“Aaaa!” He shrieked. “Gloria, why?!?”

His cousin glared back. “You weren’t answering me! What’s wrong with you?”

They stared at each other, both waiting for the other to crack first. This was a funny way of saying that Gloria was trying to intimidate Victor into spilling his guts, and Victor was trying to make her laugh by flaunting his ugliest worried face.

As always, he gave in. “... I saw a god in the Slumbering Weald.” 

Gloria took a half step back. “Y-You what? What sort of god?!?”

“A nondescript one.” He whispered, just in case someone was listening.

“Oh _ shit._”

“I know.”

“Oh _ fuck!_”

“I _ know!_” 

She began to tear up. “I can’t believe this! My _ cousin _ is the protagonist! Why do the sweet always die young?!?”

* * *

  


“Let’s proceed with the meeting.” Chairman Rose shuffled through his notes. “Opal. Do you have your will written up?”

“Got it right here, darling!” She absolutely did not float the papers over to him, seeing as how she wasn’t psychic. It was all just a bit of movie magic.

“I see. Ahem! To Sonia, I leave a sum of money that directly correlates to my love and affection for you, which is to say, none.”

Leon’s phone buzzed. “Oh, sorry! Lemme see what’s what for a second!” He glanced down at the screen. “Hey, Opal, Sonia called you a bitch.”

It buzzed again. “She doesn’t know why she got the urge to say that.”

A third buzz. “Just felt like it, I guess.”

* * *

  


Kabu flipped his hair in a vaguely thotty way. “You may be the protagonist and the subject of unfair plot-related favoritism, but can you do _ this?_” He pulled off a truly magnificent backflip.

“N-No,” Victor said, thoroughly discouraged by his special skills, “but I have one thing you don’t!”

“And that is?”

“A good fashion sense!”

“Noooo, that’s the thing I’m sensitive about!” The pride and joy of Motostoke cringed away. “Curse you, astute teenager!”

* * *

  


Oleana stared into the abyss. The abyss stared back.

She lifted up a paper bag. “Do you want some Poké Puffs?” 

“[DATA EXPUNGED].”

“Cool, we can split it.”

* * *

Hop wiped his brow clean. “I really don’t get how we’re alive, but cool! This is Gucci!”

“You’re incredibly lucky. Your last words were almost ‘fuck the police, coming straight from the underground’.” Marnie said from her position on the ground.

He pouted. It was truly grotesque. “Hey, those are good last words! I’ve been working on them!”

“What else did you consider?” Bede piped up, unable to contain himself. 

“‘Woop! Woop! It’s the sound of the police!’, ‘It’s tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky-’ with a cutoff from me dying, and ‘Nooooo, don’t kill me, I’m so sexy, aha’ were my other top picks, but then I remembered I can swear now without feeling guilty about it! In your face, mental block!” 

The blonder rival groaned. “I hate everything about this interaction.”

* * *

  


Allister tugged at their sister’s sleeve. “Bea, I think we forgot something…”

Without looking down, she tenderly patted the top of their head. “Can’t be too important if we don’t remember.”

They perked up slightly. “You’re so right! Never mind.”

* * *

  


Milo continued sitting on the bench. “I swear, if they left me here for some cheap meme reference, I’ll kill the author.” He said cheerily.

* * *

  


Nessa pointed a Repel at her Drednaw. “Tell me the name of God, you chelonian piece of shit.”

Titanic snapped at her. ** _Can you feel your heart burning? Can you feel the struggle within? The fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. You cannot kill me in a way that matters._ **

She prepared herself to spray, tears running down her face in waves. “I’M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU!”

* * *

  


Gloria finally relaxed. “So we won, huh?” She smiled at her group of friends, eternally grateful.

Her cousin nodded. “Yeah, it was a close call, but I really think-”

Milo burst through the wall. “Found you.”

Oh sh-

* * *

  


The End. For real.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve heard so many bad SWSH jokes and made so many more that this was so easy to write and now I am weeping
> 
> If you too are weeping consider talking to me at my Tumblr (bi-hop) or leaving a kudos thank you so much for the support,,, and please check out my actual good stuff I-


End file.
